If IVF has taught us anything, its to expect the unexpected. No matter what your birth plan might be, know it’s OK if it changes.
You can go your whole adult life thinking and dreaming of how you want or think it will go. But you truly have no idea until you are there; In the thick of it all, there will always be twists and turns waiting with a surprise around the corner. Being able to adapt, knowing it’s OK if you change your mind, and be 100% true with the change. I went into our delivery, not wanting an epidural, thinking oh, this will be fast and easy a couple pushes, and she’s out. Nope god had other plans, 22+ hours of labor with some intense pushing having to vacuum her out and a stubborn placenta leading to uncontrollable bleeding rushed to the OR, none of which was in my dream of how labor and delivery would go. Adapt it’s OK. If what you planned in your head doesn’t go accordingly, the only thing that matters is you and baby are safe. It’s not always like the movies; in fact, it mostly never like the movies. Your delivery story is unique to you, and it’s OK if it didn’t go as planned or expected. From my dream to reality, one thing that never changed was having my amazingly supportive husband right by my side cheering and encouraging me on throughout the whole delivery just like he had been throughout our five years of IVF.
Like I never imagined or expected to deliver my baby during a global pandemic, wearing a mask. Not able to have baby showers or have anyone visit us in the hospital, that I would have such struggles breastfeeding, have a two-month-old baby, and be laid off due to COVID. After crying for hours, I have told myself, “what the fuck am I going to do now” I have failed myself and my family. Have you ever felt this way before? I sure as hell never have. My entire adult career, I had NEVER been laid off. It makes you feel a sense of worthlessness. Deep down, you know that’s not the truth, but you can’t help but feel it.
Still, as I sit here writing this, I feel worthless. From the age of 14, I have worked, I don’t know any different. We have this dream of one day traveling full time, working remote jobs documenting our lives, and sharing it with you all, but how do you get there? Where do you start? It all seems so overwhelming at times. At night, I go to bed thinking back on the day, say to myself, wow, you did NOTHING today to better the future. We often get hung up at a “JOB” we pretend to like and forget about the bigger picture of life itself. ALL for a lousy consistent paycheck. What does that paycheck get you? Sure nice things, a car, food on the table, a roof over your head, and maybe if you are lucky, you can save up for a vacation. That you will likely stress over planning for, rush through, and dread having to return to your “normal” life. Have you ever come back from a vacation and said, Well, back to reality? What if reality was your vacation? What if you could travel the world and see things create memories with your family full time and still make money. Only now you are making money doing something you love.
I’m taking this time not having a “fulltime paying JOB” to reflect on what truly brings me happiness, find what I love to do, and put a plan into action to get to that goal.
The first step is, accepting that you are not a failure and that I am capable of anything I set my mind to and succeed.
What are some things you have done today to better your future?
Our Journeys 
I spent a lot of time last year working on something that would have me making a lot more money this year and in the future. However, given the events of the last six months, I’m now wrestling in my mind with whether or not moving out of this Third World hellhole into another state, along with the massive pay cut that would go with that and the leaving behind of all I’ve ever known, might be better for my mental health and for my future in the sense of living in a less oppressive and toxic environment. It’s a difficult decision.
(And I know I’m being kind of vague about the kind of work I do; I don’t say that on WordPress because that would give away spoilers in my story.)
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